i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize