I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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