discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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