just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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