Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
