I only kidnapped one of them. chill
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
