I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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