she woke up with a sticky ear
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
