he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
