I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
