I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
