OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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