I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
