My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
