I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
