My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
