Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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