were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
