In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
