I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
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His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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