Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
