My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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