oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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