she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's always time for handjobs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
