we made out on top of his cat.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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