i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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