Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
