After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
