So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
