I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
