watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
