I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
