For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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