oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
