So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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