just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
