Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
