You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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