Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
