how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
