he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
