Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
