I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
