My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
