also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
