Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
