I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
