Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
