how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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