How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
