Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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