My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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