oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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