So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
