We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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