I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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