Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
