you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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