I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
birth control should be required to get into college
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
