I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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