maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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