There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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