i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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