i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
