Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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