shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
