So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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