i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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