I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I faked an abortion last night.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
