I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
