Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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