Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
did you just send me my own nude
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
