We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
